We Need a Resolution

[00:00:00] Speaker A: Hey, you know, let me hear some of your resolutions. What do you think out of what you heard, do you think that these would. [00:00:09] Speaker B: That was my banana for tomorrow. [00:00:17] Speaker A: Inner peace. [00:00:18] Speaker B: Inner peace. Inner peace. [00:00:22] Speaker A: That's exactly how it happens in kung fu Pan. [00:00:28] Speaker B: Does that mean we're recording, Richard, before we start, though, did you make resolutions? [00:00:41] Speaker A: Did I make resolutions? [00:00:42] Speaker B: Yes. [00:00:43] Speaker A: No. [00:00:45] Speaker B: What the. Dude, this whole show is about to be about resolutions. Right now. You need to go, like, take five minutes, come up with some resolutions, make the very first one to be a better question asker in 2024. That's what I want you to focus on. That is my hope for you this year. [00:01:04] Speaker A: I think I'm nailing it. [00:01:05] Speaker B: You're already off to a bad start. You didn't even make resolutions, and that wasn't even the top one that you should be working on. [00:01:12] Speaker A: What does resolutions have to do with asking questions? [00:01:16] Speaker B: It's about bettering yourself. Do you want a raise or not? [00:01:23] Speaker A: Are you doing an actual, like, an amount raise or a percentage raise? [00:01:27] Speaker B: No. [00:01:27] Speaker A: Percentage raise theory. Nothing? [00:01:29] Speaker B: Okay. Your percentage and your dollar value is zero. And now, because you don't want to be a better question asker, in 2024, it will remain zero. [00:01:38] Speaker A: Even if you were to give me a 200% raise, it'd still be. [00:01:41] Speaker B: It's still zero. The answer is still zero, sir. That's how much I'm paying you. Hey, everyone. Welcome to every day above ground. I'm Isabel Estevis, and this is your chance to live every single day like it's your last day. It's the new year episode. It's the first episode we're filming in 2024. I have my new year attire. This was my secondary outfit for New Year's. I didn't get to wear it, so I'm wearing it today. Speaking of common new Year resolutions, we all have them. We all say we're going to do things. Some of the most common ones you hear, I'm going to lose weight, 15 pounds by the summer. I'm going to exercise more, and I'm going to eat better, save money, I'm going to eat out less because I'm also losing weight. I'm going to start investing in crypto or whatever the hot NFT words are of the year, or I'm going to get rich or die trying. In 2024, some people are going to quit something. I'm going to quit drinking, I'm going to quit smoking. I'm going to quit my job. These are just some of the things that people are going to have. This year as part of their New Year's resolutions. And today, what I really want to focus on is what if you made those secondary goals and focused instead on deeper fundamental change? Because look, here's the cold, hard truth. I can hear your outlandish weight loss goals from a mile away. You probably said it to yourself and everyone with an earshot on December 31 on that last supper burger fry blowout that you had on December 31, that that was going to be your last mega meal, that was going to be the last thing that you eat before you decide to really make this change one day later. And you probably even said, starting Jan one, I'm going to lose 30 pounds by February. Which is it possible? Yeah, sure, it's possible. Is it sustainable? TBD. TBD. But to be honest, it's not looking too good. I've set those same outlandish type goals for myself and 100% of the time I have failed. Maybe you spent a small fortune ringing in the new year's and wearing the latest style, paying extra money for a vip table, popping bottles, whatever it is that you did that you were just like, oh man, I swear my money saving capabilities are going to start tomorrow. And then maybe for some of you, you promised on December 31 that this cigarette right here is the last. Like, for real, for real. I'm quitting. And then at twelve one on January 1, you're like, well, it's not really technically January 1 yet because it's just twelve one. So just one more is fine. Today is January 9, 2024, and I'll tell you this, I'm relatively fit. I'm about a week into my fitness program and I swear I am so sore and ready to quit it's not even funny. So maybe some of you are struggling already, like I am on some of these goals that you set heading into 2024. And so I invite you with me to look at goals a little differently and kind of push those as secondary goals can already hear people who stand for smart goals dying inside a little. I'm going to deviate from that this year and I've just got three, three goals with no real timeline in place that I want to achieve. And if that takes me all of 2024 and beyond, it takes me all of 2024 and beyond. But I have a feeling these three goals are going to help me achieve some of these secondary goals that I have in mind. So what are these magical three goals that I've got in this order? My first one is surrender. My second one is inner peace. And my third is to experience true love. So maybe those sound a little silly, maybe they're more ethereal than actual tangible goals. But it is really what I've put my mind to. Heading into 2024, recognizing it may take longer, it may take shorter. But I think if I put these three things into place, it's going to be an absolute game changer. And so I thought today I'd talk a little bit about why I chose these goals. Maybe I'll start there, surrender being the biggest of them all. But here's a little confession. I know it might be hard for some of you to believe I have a little bit of. Just a tiny little bit of a control issue. And when I mean tiny little bit of a control issue, I'm talking about like mega massive. I am trying to control everything in my purview. I'm trying to control myself, I'm trying to control other people, I'm trying to control outcomes at work, I'm trying to control people driving. I'm trying to control everything in sight. And it is a real problem. And it's not as bad as it used to be, but it's also not great either. The other big thing that I personally struggle with is perfectionism. If it's not right, it's wrong. And if it's wrong, that's it. There is no participation ribbon that I want. It's like first place or nothing, which can be beneficial in some senses, but in most cases it's actually very self destructive. So perfectionism is another big thing aligned to the goals that I set for this year. Black and White thinking right or wrong, and that's it. And there's kind of no gray space in between. And I am, if you can't tell from these first few things, incredibly hard on myself. There is no one on this earth that I judge more than myself. And to be honest with you, I'm freaking tired of it. I'm tired of living this way. It's not sustainable. I can't do it anymore. If I just kind of think about surrender and what surrender really means for me, it's kind of the textbook definition with a little bit of spirituality weaved into it. So the definition of surrender, to yield to the power, control or possession of another upon compulsion or demand. Wait, that's not what the one I wanted. What the. I feel like in true struggle with control and perfectionism, I had a better definition of surrender. And I don't like the one that I just found. But you know what? It's 2024. I'm going to eat it. I'm going to eat it. We're just going to leave it. That's what the dictionary. That's what Webster says it is. Then that's what it is. But for me personally, it is kind of giving up this idea of control, and not necessarily to anyone, but more about to myself. Just being a little more easy, just being a little more relaxed, just being a little more okay. If things aren't going in this perceived way that I have, and I think in addition to that, there's this idea to surrender to a greater being. It wasn't always like this, but for me, that is also the idea of surrendering to God. You don't have to believe in God. I went through a very long period in life where I struggled with this idea and thought and belief, and who am I? And if there was a God, why would there be all these things happening in the world, or to me, a lot of it about me? And then I just this past year, 2023, really started to explore deeply in myself, started to do some inner work. And that belief in God started to get stronger and stronger, to the point that I could no longer ignore it. So there's a bit of surrender in that, to the idea of not only trusting myself, but trusting God. Everything works out for me, even if I don't think that it does. It does in some way, shape or form. So surrender is a big one for me. And I think that with this idea of surrender, it allows me a little bit more freedom and inner peace to kind of just be. And so that's why I think the surrender will continue to lead me to stronger inner peace, the ability to accept things and let things go, something that sometimes I struggle with, not in all areas of life, but in some areas of life I do. And so I just want to be more peaceful, understanding. There's going to be good days, there's going to be bad days. That doesn't mean that there's not going to be bad days. It's just that when there are bad days, I'm mentally well equipped to push through on them. And so the last one is true love. I want to experience true love. And this one, I've already been playing with this one a little. This one burns because I went through this exercise the other day where I'm like, man, I want to just experience true love once in my life. And I'll tell you what the reality is. I already have it. I already have true love. And I'll give you the second spoiler is that I'm asking to experience true love. I have a feeling. I have an inkling that the true love that I'm actually seeking to experience is with myself, not necessarily a partner. And why? I say with myself, because in order to give and receive true love, I think you have to believe in it. You have to be it. I think there's this really interesting thing where myself included, let's say, in the dating world, right? Things that you think you want in another person. And there's always this stinging question of, well, but is that how I'm showing up? I want somebody who's fit. I want someone who is kind, as generous as loving is a good conversationalist. Some things are surface things, some things are deeper. But it's kind of like I have this mental list of things that I want in someone. Am I those things? Because how would it be fair that I'm not those things to someone? I'm expecting someone to show up top notch, best self, and then I don't show up that way. That doesn't really make sense. And so I do think that the type of self love, initially when I said it, I was like, experience true love. And then I realized there's already people in my life who give me true love. I have a friend, Blanca. I've known her ever since we were little. Little. Our grandparents were friends, our moms were friends. We're friends. And I actually had this exercise where I was writing and kind of thinking, having her in mind, and I stopped, and I realized that girl, since day one, has shown me nothing but true love. So how dare, almost in a sense, that I ask for true love when I talk about a real good person. Just in my deepest, darkest moments of despair after my dad passed away, dealing with this skin disorder, all these different things that I had going on, the chaos that I had going on when I was younger, this girl would come get my ass out of bed when no one else would and be like, hey, let's go outside. Let's go do this. She would call and check up on me. She's just a great person. And I think it's almost audacious for me to say, like, to experience true love. Because true love doesn't have to be from a romantic perspective. It can also be from a friend, from a family member. So, in essence, I do already have true love. And to be honest with you, I've already got surrender, inner peace, and true love. I've already got them. At this point, what I'm asking for, and my big goal is, is to reveal those things to me, not for me to just say it from my head, but to feel it in my heart. That's what I want. But these things already, in all honesty, they exist. They exist within me. That's kind of like an overview of why I decided to go with these three things, kind of the reason and the order behind them. There's something else that has just sticking out to me right now as I'm talking about all of this. And it's a revelation that I had recently. If I look at life like a labyrinth, and I know for younger people, you may know what a labyrinth is, but it's basically like a maze. One way in, one way out. If I look at life like a labyrinth, there is no right or wrong. There just is. There's one way in and there's one way out. And no matter where that little marble in life goes, no matter which direction, it's all going to wind up at the same end. And I realized over the past few weeks, when I thought about life in that way, it eased my mind about the idea of right and wrong because I agonize over decision making because I don't want to make the wrong decision. But when I kind of released and thought about things in that way, it began to relieve some of that pressure of like, okay, I'm just going to make a decision, and whatever it is, it is, and then I just figure it out and go from there. So I think it's little things that I'm working on like that that are just going to make a huge difference. [00:16:58] Speaker A: So in preparation for this, I took it upon myself to try to get a better understanding of your topics you're looking for. And seriously, as I have worked today and, you know, on the drive and then even sitting here, as I'm listening to you talk, I started thinking of how the differences of when you first hear what you're saying versus what you actually mean. For an example, when you are saying true love, you think somebody's going to think, oh, it's time to find that person and it be as a romantic way or for a spouse or anything like that. But you're actually not really even saying, it doesn't need to be another person. It could be yourself, it could be a friend, a family member, it could be an animal. I speak very highly of my dog. [00:18:00] Speaker B: Only one of them. [00:18:01] Speaker A: Only one of them. I have two of them. And while I keep the other one as a family member, the inner peace and surrendering as well. I think a lot of people understand inner peace, or at least have a vague conception of inner peace, especially since kung fu panda, which, by the way, is all I think about. When you say inner peace, he's trying to attain inner peace, and he's just saying inner peace. [00:18:28] Speaker B: No, okay, wait. I do kind of remember that. And that's the thing. I think the point that you were getting to, if I'm listening, is like, what I like about these goals is they're flexible. [00:18:41] Speaker A: Yeah. But they're universal to a point that they're customizable to what you need. Don't get so hung up. Well, I don't need to find true love. I'm not looking for anybody. Need to surrender. I'm not looking to give over anything. Inner pieces. I feel fine. That's not really what you're saying. [00:18:58] Speaker B: Yeah. Because there's flexibility in having these type of goals for true love. My original one was like, find a romantic partner, experience true love once in my life. And it's evolved. It's evolved because I'm again realized, like, no, wait. On this journey, on trying to reveal and experience true love, I already experience it. So it's like, it's already there. And I'm thinking about, I think this guy Chris Williams or Chris Williamson brought up. It was like, first, someone else looking at it before they carved and chiseled away, just saw a rock. David. [00:19:51] Speaker A: The David? [00:19:51] Speaker B: Yeah. Wait, what is it called? [00:19:54] Speaker A: I don't know if that's actually. I've heard it referred to as the David. [00:19:58] Speaker B: Yeah. Okay, the David. Yeah. I think you're like. But in his eyes, he saw that there, and he was just revealing it, in a sense. [00:20:08] Speaker A: Yeah, but I see what you're saying. You see this plain rock. Michelangelo saw his sculpture. [00:20:16] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:20:17] Speaker A: Because especially in that time, there was no, like, let me chisel here, and this is what's going to happen. [00:20:22] Speaker B: Yeah. Let me see what's on TikTok, and I'll just do the same thing. There was none of that. And so I think that's what I'm already loving about the journey to these three goals is the flexibility, the true definition and meaning. They all kind of started from something else and have kind of evolved already. And we're on, like, january 9, so I'm excited. And I think one of the other things that there is a major benefit to having these three goals is, if you do them right with integrity, these goals are going to help you reach kind of like these secondary goals, if you will, your smart goals in life. So, for example, if I'm working on loving myself more, the more I love myself the more when you try to shove that drink in my face or you try to shove food that's greasy and I don't want to eat and it's unhealthy because I love myself more and because I want to do everything that I can to be alive for as long as I possibly can within my control, I'm going to do that. Are there ways that I could be investing in myself more? Could I be instead of just laying down, watching tv and doing nothing, could I go to the gym? Could I go for a jog? I feel like those things then start to naturally lead into the other. Do I really need to spend all that money on that handbag? Or could I take that money and invest it in learning something new to achieve other secondary goals that I have in terms of career and dreams that I have, what can I do instead? What could I do differently? But I think that these type of goals lead to those better behaviors that I'm trying to anchor to. So that's my argument for why I think there is benefit in kind of having these deeper goals that then feed into other goals. [00:22:43] Speaker A: Something it's good to not down yourself for so much of. Like, I should have done this already. Big part of my 2024 this year is going to be professional growth. And within that, a lot of certifications try not to get hung up on like, yeah, I should have had this and not just more or less just let me grow with it. [00:23:04] Speaker B: Yeah, I mean, shoulda, woulda, coulda. I have a degree in broadcast journalism and I work in HR and executive compensation. Shoulda, woulda, coulda. I think that's part of the thing. Not beating yourself up, not putting a timestamp to things and just accepting it. Like, okay, this is where I am. This is where I am. What am I going to do about it? Some people are going to do nothing. They're going to do the same thing that they did last year. They're going to bring it in again this year, and then these are going to be the ones on the Main front line. Like, life is still hard. I don't got this, I don't got that. And it's like you get tired of kind of spinning the same circle. And if you want to do something different, acceptance, accepting where you're at in this moment is a critical piece of that. And also not judging yourself for where you're at. That's another big thing, too. That was part of the leap in starting this podcast was like, I should have done this a long time ago. Yeah, I should have, would have, could have. Oh, well, I'm doing it now. See, it is what it is. It is what it is. And back to my idea of the labyrinth. There is no right or wrong. There just is. So accept where you are, take it at face value, figure out what your steps could be moving forward, and then just move. That's it. [00:24:33] Speaker A: That's part of the surrender. You're saying, just let it go and kind of just focus on the embeddedment instead of weighing yourself down, looking at what you could have or should have done or whatever you want to say it is. If you look at primary colors, your red, yellow and blue, from there, you can make your secondary goals and those. I think it's hard to walk away from metrics, whether you want to make them smart goals or anything that you can actually tie a metric to, though, will help you attain it. [00:25:11] Speaker B: I see I have someone who is all in about the smart goals. I've struck a nerve. Here's the thing. There are qualitative and quantitative measures. What happens, and what has happened to me in the past is I'll say I'm going to lose 15 pounds. Which 15 pounds for some people is like, they go to the bathroom and they lost 15 pounds. For me, 15 pounds is like months long process. If I set this goal to lose 15 pounds and I don't see that number moving, I am going to get discouraged. I am going to be ready to quit. It's easy to have motivation when things are going right. Motivation is there, it's fire. But on days that it's not, and there will be days that it's not, you're like, f this, I quit. I'm not doing this. I'm not getting the results that I want. Especially because we live in a world of like, now. Now, quantitative measures can also be destructive. Not every time, but in a sense, for me, if there is a quantitative measure, I'll use it. But I'm also okay with qualitative measures on how I'm progressing. If I wake up tomorrow and I've got more positivity instilled within me, and if I notice that my response to something is better than it was yesterday, then for me, that's a win. That's like a small win and something I can keep working at every day. So there is also, like a little bit of faith, particularly with the surrender piece. And not just surrender to myself and trust myself and trust the process, trust God. I think even on my worst days in life, God has always been there. And that's not something I would have even said to you three months ago. I don't even know that I could have confidently made that statement. That's something I literally just sat with and processed through the other day. [00:27:35] Speaker A: You weren't looking at me, so you don't know how many times you made my eye twitch with your lack of metrics. [00:27:45] Speaker B: They can't stand me at work either. I'm like, but how did we feel, guys? Did we feel good? [00:27:53] Speaker A: Okay. Because you did strike a nerve. Because it is my job to look at metrics and show how they can be utilized and then insights that you can drive from them. I think that's the better way to do it. [00:28:07] Speaker B: The controlled way, some might say the controlled way of setting up your goals. [00:28:14] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:28:15] Speaker B: You're like, yeah, whatever. I'm right, you're wrong. [00:28:19] Speaker A: Well, I just think that if you leave a loose goal to. How are you feeling? [00:28:27] Speaker B: But that's my point. These are not traditional goals. I use smart goals in work, mostly because we have to. But I even have, like, a goal board for specific goals. But that's why I say these goals for me are out of the box and just a little different in the sense that in my eyes, we're on a journey. The journey ends the minute you're in the ground. That's when the journey ends. Otherwise, you're always on this journey. That is the end. There's one beginning and one end. And so it's like this. Someone said it the other day, like this ethereal goal planning that I'm doing. It's not that I don't write them down and I think about them. I kind of measure what I'm doing right, what I'm doing wrong. But it's not so methodical. It's not so, like, hold my feet to the fire. And if I do these things and if I achieve them, it may take me a lifetime to achieve these goals. It could. I don't know. But that's the flexibility that I like about them. They're not your standard. Here are five different buckets. How does that goal attached to each of these buckets? It's just this, like, life goal that happened to have start on Gen one 2024, technically. But here's the other thing. You can make this goal at any time. 03:00 in the morning, you're scrolling, and then it hits you. You're like, oh, my gosh. You know what? Surrender. Inner peace, true love. Done. That's what I'm going to work towards. You can do it on March 18. You can do it on November 18, which is my birthday. You could do it July 11. You can pick like any day. You make these goals whenever. And so especially my magical goals that I'm making, and I am free to call them magical if I want. They don't have any real magic behind them. But it's like, that's what I'm liking about these goals. They're not going to fit your box and I'm okay with it. [00:30:56] Speaker A: First of all, you cannot tie a metric to anything. [00:30:59] Speaker B: Yes. Listen, you're not going to lose your job. Your job is still very well needed. Okay. [00:31:07] Speaker A: But no, just to be clear, I think that's where your goals had a lot of ambiguousness to it. [00:31:19] Speaker B: I like it. [00:31:20] Speaker A: Yeah. And that's great for what they're serving for non mortgage, every year is going to have its goals that has what people would call your New Year's resolutions to have heavy metrics tied to. [00:31:37] Speaker B: Are they smart goals under and they're all surface. They can be, they can be whatever. [00:31:43] Speaker A: Yeah, they're all smart. [00:31:47] Speaker B: My goals are intelligent. [00:31:49] Speaker A: Yeah. If you can give me the meaning of that, I'll take it. [00:31:55] Speaker B: Intelligent, they just are. That's it. [00:31:59] Speaker A: What's the other? [00:31:59] Speaker B: There's no acronym. There's no acronym. They're just intelligent. That's it. That's the kind of goals I make next level. [00:32:08] Speaker A: So they're not so much individual goals. It's not like, oh, this year I'm trying to surrender. You could probably customize, if that's the way you're going to look at it, you could probably customize it to where your individual goals for the year are more surrender based. And then that way you can create them under the surrender. [00:32:33] Speaker B: My goals, so technical, but they're too formulaic. [00:32:38] Speaker A: It's more so you have your guide and your outline, the bone structure of where you want to go with everything, and then they're repeatable. So it's not like it's one and done. You're defined, oh, I found inner peace. It's more or less, let me find inner peace this year in my work. Let me find true love in a hobby that I want to really understand and let me find surrender into knowing that I can't control things with family members. [00:33:17] Speaker B: You are overcomplicating my goals. [00:33:20] Speaker A: Well, I think, I think you complicated, it's to clear them up. [00:33:25] Speaker B: You want structure. There's something in you that wants and needs that structure. For somebody who didn't believe in goals from the minute we started this, now all of a sudden you are the freaking goal expert. Your goals are intelligent. This is my point. I love the flexibility. I love the freedom in not having all that structure and breakdown. [00:33:53] Speaker A: It totally has flexibility still. It still keeps its flexibility. All I'm saying is that when you think about how does this relate to me, I don't know, to your viewers, to anybody. [00:34:07] Speaker B: What I like about it though. [00:34:08] Speaker A: Well, that's what I'm saying. When you relate to how is this going to relate to me? I think letting them know that my interpretation as just another person has already seen that it has a place and it's not exactly what they may think initially from what you're saying. So just to make sure that it's a clarification to this isn't going to be flexible and it's flexible to customize to the person that needs to have. [00:34:40] Speaker B: It, but it should be, I guess the thing is, for me is like it should be implied. I'm not the rulemaker on how to make goals. What I am doing today is telling you these are my goals and these are how I'm going to follow them. This is how they're going to be outside of the box and they're going to strike a nerve. But you could still take these same goals if you want, and you can create all these compartments and metrics and you could do them totally. You could make your own. Maybe you want something totally different. Maybe surrender means something totally different to you. It's just me sharing a different way of looking at things. Again, like on this idea in God that I was praying for inner peace, there is no right or wrong. There just is. Whatever is for you and for me. [00:35:40] Speaker A: But per the example, there's no but. [00:35:43] Speaker B: That's it. [00:35:43] Speaker A: But within the example of what you've given, I've kind of structured out a. [00:35:47] Speaker B: Greater layer of now you have the blueprint for you to go home and get going on your goals. January 9 is not too late. You're still on time. Get to going. Okay, we're in Jan. Nine. What are some of the actions of mine? I was listening to a podcast, a recent podcast with Angie Huberman, who interviewed David Goggins. David Goggins, for those who don't know, is this. Know he's like a megazord of fitness. He's just off the charts amazing. What I love about listening to that episode was that he said you have to have something bigger than yourself to get through tough times. And I agree. And for him, he mentioned in the episode that was God. And for me, it's also God. But again, that wasn't until I really fully began to accept God. And not to make this spiritual or any type of way, but with that, or actually before that, I went to church for the first time in ages. In ages, I went to Pastor Jerry Flower Jr's church out here in Houston, Texas. Jerry Flowers Jr. Also has a podcast, and he does a lot of messages on Instagram and all the social media highly encourage you to check him out whether you're religious or not. I think he just has very powerful messages that are also very consumable. He mentioned during that sermon that I went to that he spent like nine years as, like a youth pastor. And so that helped him make very consumable, digestible lessons to be taken in. He's very matter of fact when he speaks. He doesn't beat around the bush. There were a couple of times during that sermon that were kind of a gut punch that felt very personal, but I really enjoyed it. I look forward to going back because I think along this journey, something called me and pushed me after I had been seeing for months and months and months to just say, you know what? I'm just going to go. I'm just going to go and see what it's like and what it's about. And if I don't like it, I just leave. And if I like it, I stay and I keep coming back. And so when I think about the idea of surrender, these are kind of two acts that I have taken in order to move closer towards it in terms of inner peace. I think one of the big things that I've done recently is I picked up. People probably may have seen it. It's called the inner work. I want to say maple and ash. It's not maple and ash, but it's something like that. This couple, I think they're a couple. They wrote a book, and it's just, you see all my notes, and I'm not even done. I have barely been able to put this book down. It has already heightened my level of awareness to some of the things that I want to work on internally and dig deep into the subconscious and to begin to work to heal some very serious inner wounds. And I've already done a little bit of that through weekly therapy that I'm going to continue on into 2024. Aside from these goals that I'll be working on through that workbook and through my continued therapy and coaching sessions and training, are working on the idea of self judgment and insecurity. These are two massive, gaping holes within me that I am attempting to at least begin to repair in 2024. And then the last, I think in 2023. One of the very few things that I'm going to carry forward into 2024 is daily meditation in the morning, intentionally in the morning. I used to not be able to sleep maybe more than 4 hours a night. Definitely not consistent sleep where I was just able to stay asleep. That's how bad things in my head would keep me up at night. And through the practice of morning meditation, I learned that it helped me gain the sleep and the peacefulness in a sense that I'm looking for at night. So these are just some of the ways and some of the things I've already kind of begun doing on this journey to surrender inner peace and true love. I'm not going to lie, it's been exhausting. It's exhausting, but it's also very rewarding. I feel like on a healing journey, what people don't tell you, you get these awakenings, if you will, and it's like. It feels like rainbows and butterflies all over the place. And then all of a sudden it's like a mean crash. And I feel like they don't talk about the crash enough because it's like a new revelation and a new wound pops up in a way you're not expecting. There's all these different things where I don't necessarily think that someone is ever truly healed. For me personally, I just don't think that's true. I think you are always healing. You're always, always healing from something on this journey, whether or not you can do it. You can cut the time in which you heal something. I think, sure, yeah, you can do that. But I think that we're always constantly healing some things that I'm not taking from 2023, other people's bs. It's going to take a lot to shake me. And that's not an invitation for people to try because I can already see my brother is just going to probably attack me again about the smart goals. But it's not an invitation to try. It's just what I'm no longer allowing. There are boundaries in place that are going to continue onward. There are a set of non negotiables in my head that I'm going to adhere to and continue to work at day by day to continue on this path. [00:42:38] Speaker A: Do you feel that should someone try you, that it's only to strengthen your inner peace? [00:42:46] Speaker B: I know you mean that to be a joke, a little bit of a joke question, but I will tell you this, brother brother, please. I will tell you this, brother, that is what I was saying earlier. There are going to be good days and they're going to be bad days. When I'm talking about the idea of inner peace, it's not that bad. Things are just going to stop happening because now I've discovered inner peace. It's knowing how to manage myself better when those challenging situations arise. Because ultimately, also to the idea of surrender, the only person I can control is myself. So if you say something or do something and I get filled with anger or jealousy or whatever, and I allow those things to come out and project back onto you, then I'm not doing the work, right. Then that's me just saying, oh, I'm not an angry person until you're tested, right? You're not going to know until you're tested. And that's what I like and I don't like. Right. I think it's fair to say that too. No one likes to be tested, but I expect for those things to happen because that's going to be my metric, if you will, in a sense, on whether or not I am truly achieving these things or if I'm just talking about them. [00:44:26] Speaker A: When you're driving these, that you think of the overlap on these, you can find that you can surrender to the metrics, find inner peace in the metrics and find that there's a true love within the metrics. [00:44:40] Speaker B: See, my brother wants to test me on air. [00:44:46] Speaker A: Same within. Do you think that, is that by design or do you think that those weren't necessarily meant to overlap? They could. [00:44:57] Speaker B: It's interesting, each one came to me on a separate occasion, but they kept coming to me. To be honest, I even know what surrender really meant. I just knew deep down in my heart, with all of my control issues, like major, serious mega control issues, that I need to do something. And the word surrender just kept coming up and I'm like, all right, well then, all right, fine, maybe you should focus on surrender. And then when I kind of had surrender in my head, I'm like, well, if I had surrender and I was able to just kind of let things be, maybe I wouldn't be so angry. And not that I'm an angry person, but there are times when I get angry and I get more angry than I really feel like I should over the most trivial things. And so that's what kind of led me to inner peace. And I was like, all right, surrender, inner peace. And then for true love, that really did start out as a romantic thought. Like, man, now that I'm kind of, like, doing better in life. I just came off of a great year in 2023 being consistent with putting in the effort on myself and investing and reading all these books and doing things outside of the box that I was like, man, it would be great to have someone to share that with. And beyond having someone to share that with, have I ever really experienced true love? Wouldn't it be nice from a romantic perspective to really and truly experience that? And then that evolved. That evolved when I thought about the three of them together, because then there just kind of seemed to be a natural flow from one to the other. And that's why I said at the onset, true love started out as this romantic idea. But what I think where that one is going to end up leading me is back to myself. So it's not like I sat down one day, I'm like, okay, I'm going to come up with these goals. They just came to me, and I'm just going to see where they go, just going to check it out, see where they go. [00:47:50] Speaker A: Do you find the thought of true love romantically as something that is attainable, or is it something that you're going to have to surrender to what you think might just be true love as. [00:48:04] Speaker B: It relates to a romantic partner? I think, to your point, surrender is going to tie into it. Surrender is a piece of it, because whatever I think might be my true romantic love, if God does not have that in the cards for me, he's not going to give me what I want. He's going to give me what I need. And so I also need to be open. I think you can have kind of like a general idea, but even then, it's almost like I'm not even qualified. I don't know. People tell you to set intentions and write a very specific person that you're looking for. And this person, if you believe in manifestation, which I do to an extent, but I even think that sometimes in manifestation, there's a bit of a control piece, right? Like, you're just going to lay out this exact person and they're going to come to you. I'm not saying I do or don't believe in manifestation. For me, it's like a little bit of a gray area. But I will say this on paper. One time, I laid out what I thought was like, man, this person came to me. This would be a dream come true. I'm not joking. Two weeks later, I met someone who checked every last one of those boxes, and I was like, miracle on 34th street. This is the best thing since sliced bread. And then it wasn't everything. And I was just like. Things over time started to unravel, and this person really wasn't what they portrayed themselves to be. But on paper, this guy was like, check. Check. So I think there were a couple of lessons that I learned. One, I need to go work on myself, especially for some of the things I was writing down. Two, I may not even know what's right for me. Maybe instead of being so prescriptive on a piece of paper, I can lead with an open heart and not be so nailed down to what I think my dream boat out there in the world looks like. But I do also believe that this person already exists. It's a matter of finding each other, and how we find each other is not whatever I envision in my head. It's just somehow I'm going to be led, and that person's going to be led, and it's like a collision. Whether you want it to happen or not, the collision is going to happen. The collision is going to happen. It's like this idea of what's meant for you. You can't mess up. You're not going to miss it. It's just going to come at you head on. And I like that. It scares me because I miss control. I'm like, oh, maybe if I just go stand in the grocery store, maybe if I look in at the light, or if I'm at the airport, somebody told me they met someone. Matter of fact, I'm going to a wedding for someone who met their person in an airport. Man, you should see me. A matter of fact, you did see me. You dropped me off at the airport where I was like, you're like, where the hell are you going? I'm like, dude, I'm going to the airport. Because I'm going to the airport. I'm like, oh, I'm about to meet my person. That's not how this works, isabel. It was a cool, badass outfit, but that's not how this works. So I do think that it's a mix with the idea of the surrender. It's leading with an open heart, being open to the person that I've created in my head. Maybe that person exists, maybe they don't. Maybe it's just to get, like, a general vision going. But what's actually going to come before me could be something totally different and unexpected, which is exciting. [00:52:19] Speaker A: Have you ever seen sleepless in Seattle? [00:52:21] Speaker B: I have not. I know mom's seen it like 10,000 times. I have not seen it, not once. [00:52:25] Speaker A: Well, for that perspective, it would have been great if you would have seen it, because it's a great reference. Like, the whole thing you're mentioning fits the whole movie of sleepless Seattle. [00:52:35] Speaker B: Yeah, that's why I think, and I've been saying it for a very long time, I got it from my mom. Don't tell her. But everything happens for a reason, even if we may not know what that reason is. Everything happens for a reason. I added that last piece. Mom only gave me the first. But it's like, I really do think that's true. I think every single thing has led me to this point today. So even when I think about my battles with the idea of God and this idea of surrender, and I'm like, how can I trust God? He took my dad away. All these things, all these perceived bad things that happen in life have to happen for me to be where I am right here in this moment. And I, up until recently, didn't believe that, and now I fully believe it. So it's, again, like realizing, too, a lot of the things that we have. You can say all your mantras and your affirmations, and if you're saying them from your head, they're not going to stick, they're not going to work. But the minute you start saying them from your heart, it's a whole new ballgame. And so that's what it is right now for me, with these three goals. Right now, I'm still kind of just saying them for my head. But little by little, they're starting to creep down where they're going to start coming from my heart, where I'm going to actually feel and believe and buy into everything that I'm saying. I think a great example of that is I'm not even joking. Like, up until a few years ago, when people would say, hindsight is 2020, I'd be like, oh, yeah, hindsight is. Had no idea what it meant. It just totally flew over my head. And then one day, I was talking to someone and he's like, hindsight is 2020. And I swear, like, that, it went from my head to my heart, and I was like, holy shit, hindsight is 2020. I was 40 when I learned what that meant, and I'm excited for that moment to happen with each of these foundational elements that you will that I've begun to lay the groundwork for. There's going to be a moment where they go from here to here, and I'm excited about the transition. [00:55:14] Speaker A: I think that in itself, is something that is beyond even being self aware, because I think the self awareness is within your head and to where you can actually feel something. That's really interesting to say that and how you would perceive that. [00:55:35] Speaker B: Was that just a comment or. [00:55:38] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:55:38] Speaker B: Poetic. [00:55:42] Speaker A: Yeah. I think it was just kind of my comprehension. I think I was still trying to comprehend and how that was, like, flowed together. [00:55:50] Speaker B: Yeah, but it works. [00:55:51] Speaker A: An understanding is different than the feeling, and to get them balanced is probably where your inner peace comes into. [00:56:00] Speaker B: Yeah, I'll give you another one, too. Forever. And I have it, like, on a facebook. Oh, my gosh. Speaking of true love and patience, there's no one on this earth. Okay. I challenge you. Love of my life, true love, wherever you are. It's not possible that anyone in this life loves me more than this dog. Okay. Like true love, I ask for true love. Be careful what you ask for, because God sent me this dog. He is stage five. Clinger. Stage five. If you want to know quickly the difference between the different stages. At stage five, when I die, he's getting in the casket. If he was only stage four, he's sitting in the front row, he's crying, but he's not getting in. Stage three is like, they're going to be there, but they're not really in the front row, but they're there. Stage two is like they're going to show face for like five or ten minutes and then they're going to head out and level one would just be sending flowers. So in case my true love is listening, get to level five. Okay, you're coming in the casket with me. That's just it. I don't even know what I was saying now because this damn dog. Oh, not hindsight, but one of the things, and it's so interesting, it popped up in my feed. So I had, once upon a time, I had social media back in early two thousand s, like when it first came out and I posted something way back when and it just gave me a memory of that. And it's one of my favorite, favorite quotes. It's very simple, very impactful. Be the change you wish to see in the world. Mahatma Gandhi. I am like, back in the day, posting it everywhere. It's the quote I live by. It's the second coming. It's a big deal. Be the change you want to see in the world. Be the change you want to see in the world. And it came to me that, holy shit, like, wait a minute, I am being the change I want to see in the world by me working on myself, creating this awareness, going and healing the inner child and all of these wounds from the past to fully live in the present. I am being that change. And I love that revelation. I love that it's super exciting. I love that also kind of a little embarrassed that I was saying it for all those years, but not really truly embodying it. There's something about embodying these three goals, these three things. Surrender, inner peace, true love. That I am super excited about. So excited about. [00:58:56] Speaker A: Do you know the quote, it's better to be violent if there's violence in our hearts than to put the cloak on of nonviolence to cover impotence? [00:59:06] Speaker B: No. [00:59:07] Speaker A: Do you know who said no? Gandhi. [00:59:10] Speaker B: Oh, I didn't know. Gandhi's very wise man. [00:59:16] Speaker A: It shows the better for you to be who you are than to try to show or try to be something you're not. [00:59:29] Speaker B: I think that's super huge, too, because with this layer of perfectionism and with black and white thinking and all or nothing mindset with these different things comes just that. Also the freeing sense is, yeah, I am who I am, but I have been putting on a little bit of an act my whole life, right? Like wanting to come off perfect. You are. You're wearing a mask. Because the reality is no one is perfect. And I think that's also part of the exciting piece of the journey is almost me kind of taking off these different masks that I wear on a daily basis, right. Because I want to go into the world perceived as whatever, as perfect as this great catch, whatever it is. But I'm not actually living those truths. So similar to what you're saying about the Gandhi quote, or what I take away from that is that it's like, if you're mean, be mean. I hope you're not mean. That's not a great example. But it's like, be who you know, good or bad, be who you don't. That's even worse that if you're sitting here and you're putting on a show, and I guess that's what it is for me, is like, I just don't want to put on that show. And as a matter of fact, it's one of the things that I struggle a little bit with social media is like, I'm just going to focus on all the great vacations and stuff I take. That's what everybody's doing. Who cares? You see me on a day where I don't feel like, which is most days, by the way. I don't feel like jogging I don't feel like going and exercise. It's easier for me to go get a burger from McDonald's than it is to make something a little healthier in the kitchen. But I think by revealing these imperfections, it is leading back to the other Gandhi quote, me being the change. [01:01:44] Speaker A: You need to let go of whatever is causing this anger, whatever is that, and find your inner peace. That could calm you down. Will you get rid of it? Or is it necessarily something that you think you can completely eradicate from yourself? That depends on how much you have within your hearts. [01:02:06] Speaker B: I don't think it's possible. I don't think it's possible, though. [01:02:09] Speaker A: Yeah, no, I don't think that there's going to be. Anger is going to be there. It's one of your feelings. If you ever seen inside out, you need them, right? [01:02:21] Speaker B: You need them as balance. It's like one of my favorite movies of all time. Seriously, I think everybody should watch that movie on planet Earth. You've never seen it. [01:02:32] Speaker A: Part two coming out. I know that. [01:02:33] Speaker B: No, you're lying. You've never seen it. [01:02:34] Speaker A: I've never seen it. [01:02:35] Speaker B: No, you have to see it. [01:02:36] Speaker A: No, I've seen a little bits of it. I get what they're doing, but. [01:02:39] Speaker B: Okay, well, you are disqualified from talking about the movie if you have not seen it. I have officially seen it many, many of times, and it is true. I don't think you ever eradicate any. Those are your core emotions. You're not going to get rid of them. But it's how they work in harmony together. And they balance having a different reaction. [01:02:59] Speaker A: I think that's the key word right there is balance in violence, I think is obviously a step over. It's a higher grade of anger once you go into that violence realm, you could probably bring that down, but you'll always have that emotion. And the emotions are just something you just need to regulate. Regulate, get in balance regulation. And then just be aware that you are having those feelings. [01:03:26] Speaker B: I think that's awareness. [01:03:28] Speaker A: Yeah. I think that's the key thing to, whenever you're growing up, being aware of what your feelings and why you're feeling what that feeling is. And becoming aware of it, I'm sure is probably the theme to that movie. [01:03:42] Speaker B: Not being like, mom, stop crying. Stop crying. [01:03:47] Speaker A: I'll give you something to cry about. [01:03:50] Speaker B: Yeah, that's why I got the inner work. The inner work. But, yeah, so those are my goals, resolutions, whatever it is that you want to call them. The kind of the three things that I'm anchoring to in 2024. I hope that this has helpful and just brought kind of a different perspective, even if it's not helpful. Too bad I've got like ten more episodes in the barrel that are all going to anchor back to this, so it just is what it is, but I hope it's helpful. I highly again recommend this book. The inner work. I'm not even done with it, but given by all of these tabs I've got going on here, it's a great one. I'm enjoying this journey on wherever surrender, inner peace and true love are going to lead me. I am open, I am ready and I am not sending metrics to any of it. Until next time. Remember, every day above ground is a great day. Oh snap. Okay, wait. Also, follow me on the social medias. I feel like at some point I should be telling people to do.