Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] One of the things that I like to think about.
[00:00:03] What? Do I have mice?
[00:00:08] Oh, my God.
[00:00:13] Obstacle is the way.
[00:00:18] All right, next. Investment is a backdrop that makes your heart sing. Believe in you. Achieve anything every day above ground.
[00:00:30] Allow me to reintroduce myself.
[00:00:35] My name is Isabel Esteviz. This is everyday above ground, and it is a podcast focused on the growth mindset in season two here. And here's the thing. How did we even get to season two? Well, I filmed the first ten episodes successfully, and then, like, Thelma and Louise, drove it off the cliff and just took a nosedive. So I've been gone for a little bit, but I'm back. I'm back with a lot more knowledge, a lot more insight, and a lot more focus in what I'm setting out to achieve here. So, just starting out, restarting, what are we doing here? In my biggest Jay Z comeback era, what I want to do is make this podcast about the growth mindset, the idea that change is possible, and we are constantly evolving every single day. Above ground is an opportunity to do that. And so that is going to be my shift and focus for our season two here. My brother is still with me. If anybody wants an unpaid audio person job, let me know. Okay. Because he's still. It's season two. He's still on thin ice. Okay. He's not in his Jay Z era. I don't know what era he's in, but it's ridiculous. That's all I know. So, I am currently in the process of reading a book by Carol Deweck called Mindset. And in this book, I'm about almost 100 pages in. I've learned a tremendous amount already. One of the biggest things that I learned that I want to share with you today is the difference between a fixed and growth mindset. So, when we're talking about mindset, what does that mean? Well, for example, in a fixed mindset, you're out to prove something. You got something either to prove to yourself or prove to other people about what's possible and what you think is not possible and how much you're willing to risk to either prove yourself right or wrong. In a growth mindset, you're looking at everything as an opportunity, nothing more. You don't care about the idea of failure or what someone's ideals of success are or the judgment of others. You just see it as an opportunity to grow. One of the best ways I think that I can articulate this point to you today is take the story of Kobe Bryant. So whether you like him or not, whether you are a big basketball fan or you have no idea what a free throw is, I think most people on earth know the name Kobe Bryant.
[00:03:21] But did you know, basketball fans, that Kobe Bryant actually went to a summer camp, an elite summer camp for basketball when he was eleven?
[00:03:33] He did not make a single shot that entire camp, that entire time. Not a free throw, not a layup, not a three point, nothing.
[00:03:48] So think about that for a moment. One of the greatest basketball players of all time did not make any shots at eleven.
[00:03:59] So how is it that someone who did not make shots at eleven, and seemingly not necessarily born with the natural gift or talent of playing basketball, was able to become one of the greatest basketball players of all time?
[00:04:18] And I'll tell you what it is.
[00:04:20] His mindset, in his own words, he lays out a story that that year he was terrible. He was the worst player. He didn't make not one single shot, nada. What he did, what most people won't do, is he kept pressing forward.
[00:04:38] And rather than looking at that as an obstacle, as something he was not going to try, he saw the obstacle as the way.
[00:04:48] So then he began to break down his own weaknesses and one by one, continued to work at him. Daily, hourly. He was putting in the grind to just become a better player. So what does that mean?
[00:05:05] That means he wasn't out to prove anything. He put his ego aside. It wasn't about whether or not he could do it. He knew he could do it. He just knew that he needed to find his gaps and one by one, knock them out. When he goes on to tell the story, he says the next year he got better. The year after that he got even better, to the point that he was going to that camp, lapping people, lapping the best and strongest players to come out of that camp. So what we can learn there is you don't have to have the skills and ability built in. It doesn't matter what you're trying to change or what you're trying to do, you can change it. You just have to put in the work. And that's, to be honest, that's the thing. Most people don't want to put in the work. And so everything stays the same because nothing changes. If nothing changes, you gotta put in the work to change. And that's what he did. And even beyond when he was young, playing the game, he continued that mindset throughout his career. And it's really the foundational piece of this mamba mentality that he carried around.
[00:06:24] It's continuing to put in the effort being willing and open to learn, seeing the obstacle as the way, the way that you progress, the way that you build, the way that you grow. So the way that I love to look and break down the idea of mindset, I happen to believe in God, and what I believe is, is that oftentimes, surface level, we pray for things or we ask for things, regardless of what you believe in. And I feel like we're given them in the future, almost in sense. And what he gives us and what God gives us are different puzzles.
[00:07:09] And so let's say, for example, you want an apple. Either you grab an apple out of the fridge, or you order on Instacart, or you go pick one off your tree in the backyard. Who knows? But it's a four piece puzzle, right? Like, very easy. Here you go. There's your apple. No biggie.
[00:07:27] But if, for example, you are asking for the man of your dreams, okay, that's like a 10,000 piece puzzle coming your way. You're gonna get it, but now you gotta put it together. And I think what happens a lot of times with people in life is they get the 10,000 pieces, they take one look at it, and they're like, oh, I'll never put that together. That's the fixed mindset for me. The growth mindset is looking at that 10,000 piece puzzle and getting excited about the idea of putting it together. You know, think about when you're putting together a puzzle and the pieces don't fit, and you're getting frustrated, and now you're just like, are they even all here? But then you go to put one piece, and it connects. Well, now, then all of a sudden, you go to put another piece, and that connects and another one. And then all of a sudden, you're on this wave, and you can get excited about it, and you start to see this picture come together.
[00:08:30] Those are the complex things we are asking for in life. They're like 10,000 piece puzzles that you have to decide if you're willing to put them together. That's the dream job, the dream relationship, all the people that want to travel all around the world. How you gonna do it? You gotta put the puzzles together, and it also makes you slow down and appreciate the fact that you're actually on a journey.
[00:09:00] Or you could be in a fixed mindset, and you could just continue to ask for four to eight piece puzzles, and you can be on a winning streak. But is it really a winning streak? Is there any real challenge in that? Don't you think that's like playing a video game on easy mode. Eventually it's going to get boring. And that's what happens with a lot of people.
[00:09:26] Rather than even trying to put together that 10,000 piece puzzle and embracing and enjoying a journey of life, you're seemingly content putting together very simple puzzles that are actually boring you to death or settling.
[00:09:47] You're settling for things. You're letting things become your new normal because you're unwilling to challenge yourself outside of a simple puzzle. So if we think back to Kobe Bryant and at eleven, he made no shots in the fixed mindset, he would have just been like, okay, well, I'm going to come back next year and I'm going to prove everybody wrong that I can make shots. And now he's working towards something. He has this ability, but it's very fragile because it's driven by the ego versus in a growth mindset. He looked at his weaknesses, he acknowledged his weaknesses, saw those as opportunities to grow. So, for example, maybe he saw that he was bad at free throws. And so for him, maybe that looked like, okay, for the next six months, I'm just going to work on my free throw. That's going to be my primary thing to focus on. And then little by little, he worked on that free throw until it got better, until it got better and better and better. And then it became mechanical. And then from there he said, okay, now I'm going to work on my three point shot. And again for months worked on that for as long as it took to get it to a place of mental perfection in mechanics until he could move on to the next. There's so much power in implementing goals from that type of mentality. So let's say you believe me and you're like, okay, Isabelle, maybe I can change.
[00:11:25] How? How do I change? So, one of the most powerful things that you can do, literally anyone can do this. Think about the idea. Think about the idea of being a baby. How many times have you seen a kid who doesn't know how to walk, fall and get back up and fall and get back up and fall and get back up? Does the kid ever say, no, I can't walk, I can't do this? Or do they just keep going until eventually they walk? That's what you need to do. And further to that, as you're falling and getting back up and falling and getting back up, you need to talk nice to yourself. You gotta be a little kinder to yourself. You gotta be a little more encouraging. You gotta say, it's okay, I fell what could I have done different? Because I think if I think about this idea of, like, the mamba mentality, that's what it comes down to. It's not in the idea of never falling. Get that out of your head. It's in the getting back up. It's that resilience that helps strengthen and build a growth mindset. But you got to talk nice to yourself. You got to be a little, be a little kinder, be a little more encouraging, be a little more accepting and open for where you're at. If you're struggling with something like weight loss and you really want to lose weight, what little thing could you change today? What's something that you're doing now that maybe isn't that great or isn't working for you? Because there's something. There's something, and you have to be willing to acknowledge that, accept where you are, and then figure out what you do next to move forward.
[00:13:10] So I would say, number one thing, don't listen to yourself. Talk to yourself, and speak kindly to yourself. The second thing I would recommend, and this is a massive one for me, try to step out of situations for a moment and be more like an observer. What does that mean? If I am in an argument with someone and I continue to have this argument pattern, there's likely a breakdown in communication. But I can't see that if I'm so worried about what the next thing that that person is going to say or do. So instead what you do is you take yourself almost out of the situation as if you're here face to face. And now you're going to stand up here and see what you might see differently from a different vantage point.
[00:14:11] This idea of becoming an observer in your own life has been very, very powerful. Me in getting myself to change my mindset on certain things, on the idea of being able to develop my own ability.
[00:14:28] So let's say, for example, if I am outside running and I want to run faster in a fixed mindset, I'm like, I can't run any faster than that. This is it. In a growth mindset, I take myself out of that environment for just a second as an observer of my own life. If I want to get faster, what would that look like? And what are my current gaps? If we're talking running or jogging, maybe I'm not moving fast enough. So what could I do to work on my pace or my speed? Because there's always something you can do if you're willing to do it. The next big thing that I do when I am trying to change my mindset is stop looking at the idea of failure altogether.
[00:15:23] If you want to truly fail, don't ever try. That's how you truly fail. But when you start to see the outcome of what you're doing as your desired action, now you start to see things a little differently. If trying is the outcome, then as long as you try, you can't fail. So if I go back to the idea of Kobe Bryant at eleven, he could have quit right there. He could have been like, man, I sat the bench or I played and I didn't make any shots and he could have went back and he could have just quit. In a fixed mindset, he might have done that, because then that would no longer challenge or make him have to prove who he is. But in a growth mindset, he broke down his weaknesses to make them his strengths. So again, the obstacle is the way. But if you only see the potential outcome as failure, you know you're going to take that risk. You're not even going to take that chance. So reframe the way you look at the idea of failure, because at the end of the day, it's nothing more than lessons. If you are listening to these words, you have survived 100% of your days on earth. So guess what? Even your worst failures, your worst days, the biggest mistakes that you've ever made in life, you're still here, and it's going to be okay. Last thing I would say is, in terms of the two mindsets, one of the biggest difference in the fixed mindset, you are just sitting there admiring the problem all day long. Oh, it's just so hard. It's so difficult. And all you want to do is think about the problem, and you just over and then you want to tell everybody about the problem. You want to get everybody's thoughts and opinions about the problem, and it's just a circular loop over and over again. In the growth mindset, okay, it's a problem. How do we fix it? What do we do going forward? What are the lessons we learn from this problem? In the growth mindset, we do not admire the problem. We focus on the solution. Those are the top ways. If I was trying to attack a fixed mindset, that's where I would start and that's what I would do. And then I would rinse and repeat that as much as possible until it goes from up here into here and becomes mechanical. Kobe Bryant in that story? It wasn't in that story. He's bad at basketball. Kobe Bryant is bad at basketball. And what does he do, rather than trying to eat the entire sandwich in one bite and just say, I just, I need to buy a. Maybe I need a pair of Jordans, and then I'll. No. He breaks it down, down component and element by element, and focuses on getting better at each one of those and then becoming the total package. I think a big part of the problem with the fixed mindset is you just want to be the total package, and you don't want to put in the work that it takes to reach being the total package by breaking down small little steps and goals that you can take today that make you 1% better than you were yesterday. And all of that, compounded over time, is where the true and real growth happens. When I first started therapy, I walked into the therapy office and I was, you know, I was like, I don't know why. Like, what's going wrong in my relationship? Like this. This is the best version of me ever. And she just looked at me and she's like, this is the best version of you. Once I calmed down from that, I realized what she was saying. This is the best version of me that I know of, and I think that's the same thing. Like, in general, I want my growth mindset in all aspects of life. Whether or not I choose to put that puzzle together is up to me.
[00:19:44] But the complexity of it, I enjoy that in all aspects of life. So, like, whether or not I necessarily want to get better at cleaning, in the growth mindset, there's always opportunity to do something better. There's always an opportunity to learn. To me now, today, the idea of perfect doesn't exist because there's always opportunity for everyone on anything to grow and learn. The key behind this book that I'm reading is that you can change your mind at any time about anything. That's the power of the mind. It's not necessarily about the everyday tasks, the different things that we do. It's when you come upon an opportunity to change.
[00:20:41] Do you look at it and do you start to attack it as if it's that 10,000 piece puzzle that you want to put together? Or do you look at it and you're like, that's too hard.
[00:20:53] And I think that's the. The key message within the book is just the ability to change on things that you want to change. There are lots of people that somebody says something and they're like, heck, no, I don't want to do nothing different.
[00:21:12] I like the way that it's going right now, and I don't want to mess it up. Because to them, that's an instance in their mind and their fixed mindset that they would then have to prove their intelligence rather than just being intelligence or developing or learning something new. They just want to be at, like, white belt level one, karate. I feel like everybody could beat that, right? And they just want to retire at the white belt. Like, that's it. There's no Ralph Macchio. There's no mister Miyagi White belt. They're good. They retire as the best white belt they've ever seen in their lives because they don't wanna change that mindset.
[00:21:54] They put it in the frame, it's hanging in the dojo, but it's like they don't wanna push it any further than that, because then that risks their reputation. And who are they if they can't, for whatever reason, get to the next level? And to that point, the other thing that I think that stifles is if you think about, like, comparison being the thief of joy, I think comparison can also be a thief of the mindset. Because if you. One of the things that I'm guilty of, and I'll talk about work.
[00:22:31] One of the things that I'm guilty of at work is seeing and being in a room with people who are like, a thousand. They're all, like a thousand times smarter than me. But to even sit and be in that room, what happens is I pick up things along the way, I learn the language, and then I start to feel more comfortable in that room. Versus some people won't even walk into that room because they prefer to be the big fish in the small pond. Some people don't even want to share their knowledge. And that's like a whole other ego thing in itself, because they're afraid if they share their knowledge with you, they lose power, rather than it being the other way around. But I think taking those little, it's almost puzzle pieces within puzzle pieces within puzzle pieces of, okay, I noticed when I bent my leg this way and I arched my hand like that, and I went to go like this, that I made the ball. How do I do that again? And what Kobe Bryant says in that story about his learning is that he learned the mechanics. Like, the fundamentals. He read, he watched videos, he talked to people, did all these different things to learn the fundamentals, until he got that down, and then he crafted it to be his own.
[00:24:00] And that's what I love about that story. It's almost like emulating what you see until you get what it is that you're seeing. And you're doing, and then it starts to become your own. And I think that's the other thing. Another big point is the idea of how people with the fixed mindset versus growth mindset handle criticism.
[00:24:25] If somebody comes around and tells you whether it's in the nicest way or not, something that is essentially a gap of yours, how do you respond? In the fixed mindset? Some would be like, oh, okay, whatever. This person just talks all the time. They have no idea what they're talking about. They get very defensive because in their minds you are attacking their ego, you're attacking their intelligence or their capability, and they don't like it and they're very, very unreceptive to criticism. Whereas in the growth mindset, it might sting a little that you said, okay, fine, here's your gap. But then I take that information and I think about what you say and is that true? And that goes back to the idea of being the observer. If I was standing out 30,000ft in the air observing this, would I say, oh, you know what? She's right, that is a gap. What do I do next to fix it? So maybe then you start to become curious and you ask questions or you do a Google search or a chat GPT, who knows? Whatever your avenue is. But you go and you seek to change it. You go and you seek to learn and grow. I can't tell you how many times I've received harsh feedback, but taken that feedback and said, okay, these are my gaps. They're right, they're right. I need to do this better. I need to work at this and work at those things and just continue to grow. You are in constant evolution.
[00:26:06] Evolution doesn't just stop at a point in time. You are constantly pulling together these puzzle pieces to see how they fit or they don't fit. You know, your capability and your ability and your willingness to be open about it. But if you get into that view and you say, I don't value what they're saying, whatever the reason is, then that's not a change point. But it's just even taking that moment to step back and challenge the situation, I'll give you the perfect example. So the other day, my mom, our mom, I'm sitting there talking with her, having a wonderful conversation, and she looks at me and she says, isabelle, she's like, you know, I didn't want, I wasn't going to say anything, but you're starting to look a little chunky.
[00:26:58] And in these milliseconds in my mind, one I'm not violent towards my mother. So you know that. But it's like in those milliseconds before I responded to her, it required me to step back in this 30,000 foot view. Did what she say offend me? And initially, yes. Okay, why did it offend me? It offended me because technically, she's right. I ten pounds lighter a year ago, and I've since gained ten pounds.
[00:27:36] Does this bother me enough to change it to react in any kind of way?
[00:27:43] And in that moment, I said, if I really zoom out, even ten pounds heavier, I'm still at a healthy weight. I still have gone into my doctor's office and gotten a good review. I can still go out and confidently jog 3 miles.
[00:28:05] I still have the ability to put in the work, and I have the energy.
[00:28:11] So does what she said matter?
[00:28:15] And in that instance, in that split second when I took myself out of that view, it didn't matter.
[00:28:23] That's her thought, that's her opinion. And it has no bearing on me because I know the facts of what I'm willing to do right now and what I'm not, and I'm not going to let someone else's feedback push or drive me to do different.
[00:28:43] And for me, it was actually a huge signal of growth, of my own personal growth. Because in the past, I would have just immediately reacted. I wouldn't wear form fitting clothes. I would maybe not eat a meal or two or just kind of start to go out in that fixed mindset to prove her wrong.
[00:29:07] So it's different. It's different in the growth mindset, in even what you're willing to do and what you're not willing to do and accept and not accept. But the bottom line is that change is a mindset of beliefs, and it's totally within your control. I keep anchoring back to that story about Kobe Bryant because I think it's so relatable. It's this idea that people will come and tell you, like, uh, I, you know, I can't play basketball because, you know, no, you can.
[00:29:49] You can. Oh, I can't lose weight. Because you can. You can. And I think a lot of times one of the biggest excuses is that people want to use is that they think someone has natural, innate ability. Like, there was a DNA chart and they're like, oh, right here it says, you're going to be one of the greatest basketball players of all time. That's not how it works. That's not how the blueprint works.
[00:30:17] You can make a change at any time in your life at any, any waking moment, any split second. You can make the decision to change, change anything. But then you gotta put in the steps and the reps after that to make it a reality. You gotta go and continue to miss free throw after free throw after free throw after free throw until suddenly you make one, and then you make another and another and another and another, and you get that muscle memory going. That mindset works the same way. The growth mindset is this idea where you take thoughts and actions and you apply them so much so in a repetitive manner, in a growth manner, in a learning manner where you're not afraid, afraid to fall, and then suddenly you're operating from here. And when you operate from here on things unstoppable, rather than being in, in this dangerous saying, I can't. I think that's a huge, major excuse that people use repeatedly in life.
[00:31:38] I can't. No, I can't. I can't do that. Versus the idea of I can't do that yet they're missing the yet.
[00:31:48] You don't know what you don't know. And I. There's power in that, but I think it's a power a lot of people are unwilling to tap just to do. Kind of a recap here. Today we talked about the fixed versus growth mindset. You can most certainly stay in your fixed mindset if you want to, but I'm going to take the Kobe Bryant growth mindset route and see what I can really achieve here with my time on this earth. Some of the ways that we talked about that you can begin to shift from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset. By the way, it's possible. Just keep working at that 10,000 puzzle piece you got in front of you.
[00:32:29] Small shifts. Small shifts. Think about kobe. Kobe's working on free throws. We're just doing free throws. That's all we're doing right now. Okay. Once we get from the free throws, then maybe we'll go work on layups. And now we're working on layups until that happens. But we're taking it piece by piece to break those pieces down even more. Maybe we're working on bending our knees more, we're flexing our hands. We're doing different exercises, but we're just going to attack this in as many ways as possible until we get it to a good point. We can begin to make it our own. The other big step that we're going to do is that when we see obstacles or when we see challenges in front of us, we're going to zoom out 30,000 foot view. You're going to become an observer in your life. What do you see almost from the outside that maybe you're not seeing up close? And how can we begin to bridge that gap? Another huge point. Failure. Nothing more than lessons.
[00:33:39] Failure is in never ever trying. That's the only time you ever truly fail. Any other time when you try, trying is the outcome. When you're thinking about the idea of failure, trying is the outcome. That's it. There's let go of the outcomes and expectations of what you think think might happen or might not happen and just try. Then you are going to rinse and repeat. You're going to take what worked and you're going to keep applying that. And then what didn't work. You're going to let go of that, but you're just going to keep growing. We are on an evolution. We are on a journey. Change is possible in everyday above ground. You've got the opportunity to try again.
